burst into life

Your touch failed to sink
below the surface, and
I am waiting to burst into life.
The past is lingering.

Lingering in this present; in your presence,
cursing
the future.

I am still holding on waiting
to burst into life.

Ruptured is the hope
swallowed in by the raging sea.

And as you stand there, watching
we count our last breath.

And as I stand here, watching
we count, our last breath.

Behind us, the godsend creatures
have stopped
cheering us on
and we,
we are still waiting
to burst into life.

gadistlena

the contentment has moved on to something even better

I can feel God's love so intensely today. The way He steers me around - left to right, down to up; just to get me see the bigger picture of this incredible life.  I am loving the fact how God made me think about soulmates and how unrealistic the idea is, that that can only happen if you're a saint and you have the capability to perform miracles like Jesus; and then He put me right in the center of the whole thing and got my fingers numb with the inability to comprehend the whole thing - and that makes me feel humbled and happy at the same time.

Oh wow.

I also like the fact that God makes me legging it up to Him always. My body and soul need a little adjustment to this abundance of awesomeness.

I met a guy - he is the version of me in the form of a man. He's neither a saint nor a devil; just a normal guy you see everyday chilling with his friends, smoking while drinking teh tarik. He is everything I have been talking about to my roomate during our late night reflection episodes.

How I have always wanted to meet a man who is a thinker - a smart thinker, who sings to his emotions, who sees art as a breathing entity in this world, who would listen to me rambling nonsense while I am stoned, who respects me as a woman; a man who is calm and gentle and mysterious.

God spoke to me, "What, you asked that from me? Heh just you wait, I'll give you something better." And He groped inside his magic hat and handed me him.


Love,
gadistlena

the bell of life rings

Every human being is like a piece of puzzle,that has four sides of different shapes. Each side is (supposed to be) connected to different aspects of life. One - is connected to Needs. Two - Wants. Three - The Dark Side as the Master Jedi would put it.

And four - is Love.

We are all in search of finding the perfect puzzle pieces that can help us complete our little story, our little picture. Heh, guess what, I have found the perfect location where my little piece of puzzle should be.

They are connected on three of the four sides - except for the last.

During my journey here I have found a lot of other pieces that looked like they can fit on this side of mine. I took them and I forcibly put them there; and that hurt me - that hurt them. We simply did not fit well.

Hm, but I still believe there is one that will.

Will that piece find me? I hope so. No wait - I think it did. Just that at this moment, I am not brave enough to let it get close to me because - that piece of puzzle is so beautiful you don't want to hurt it. Or hurt yourself again. You know, you can't simply eliminate the chances that you might be wrong - again.

It is funny how you dream your dream, and when it is coming true (at the moment you least expect it) you freak out instead of feeling excited.

        Sigh.


Lots of love,
gadistlena

ps - I am right here on my ground. I haven't given up on big chances to come by. Just so you know.

what do you say to this?

I was ready to leave the house when I brag to my brother about the free Arsenal bag that I got from the AYFIC event. (He has everything Chelsea, you see, including the thing you put on Crocs - and yes my eight year old brother wears Crocs).

He rolled his eyes.

And then, out of the blue, my youngest brother - who is six - exclaimed;

"Eleh, tak heran. Adli ada bag 1Malaysia."

:')

Love,
gadistlena

jangan percaya hikayat pusaka

Sisipkan peluh dibahu disiku; dijari-jariku.
Runtunkan epilog hidup berlagu
Pantaskan sayap dipiring hitam
Padamkan cahaya kelabu malam,

Arus direntang senang senang
Ah. Senang, senang, senang. Hah.

Patah arang mencela terkedu
selimut putih kalam tersyahdu
Ukiran api berbentuk pisau
Tebarkan jala jauh merantau.

Tanah terlupa jasad berdiri?
Oih. Sarkastiknya.

Mereka mencipta wasiat hikayat
Lenturkan buluh sebelum terlambat
Yakinkan aku pun apalah guna?
Lebih senang untuk tak percaya,

Kalau terpancar jalan berliku
Sesatkan dahulu baru tahu
Heh, lenturkan buluh sebelum terlambat? Tak perlu.
Gaya ini juga ternyata hebat.

Berisiko, namun hebat.

Lebih hebat daripada buluh,

Jika rebung ia pada subuh
Cengal jati jadi pabila senja
Bernilai berharga hidupnya bernyawa
Berseni matinya tidak tersia;

Berpeganglah lagi pada hikayat pusaka!
Memang dah terbukti terelak neraka.
LOL.

Patah arang mencela terkedu
selimut putih kalam tersyahdu
Tebarkan jala biar jauh merantau
carilah galilah ambillah (semua),
usah kau risau.


Yang benar,
gadistlena

seems like we've been chasing tails, after all

When I got here my soul was in front of me staring at the blank weatherless sky. Reluctantly I ventured through the vast coldness with hope for the summer to show her face. As I sank deeper I read your poetry above the parchments. Slowly, very slowly the words you have spoken detach themselves,

Silently, the ink dissolves in salt. I never wanted to forget. That has never been my intention. Because this hope, has filled the glass like wine. It keeps refilling itself,

how strangely amusing that is!

I read your words beyond the parchments, and just as I felt I have understood something, I realize that I was reading them upside down.

howstrangelyamusing.

Love,

gadistlena

tell me more lies, Liar

Knowledge is a relative concept, anyway.

gadistlena