She wouldn't let herself go.
On top of this nafs she's standing tall.

#7thingsthatiwant

Truth. Acceptance. Sincerity. Love. Strength.

Patience.

Help.

gadistlena

genuine in existence

I had been floating still rushed high up crashed down low.

Often I looked upon the horizon, the beautiful, beautiful horizon
and wonder if someone would see me as part of the scenery.

Today, I am awakened
from the state of delirium.

Now that I've found my anchor,
nothing can stop me now from
being one with the world.

Sail me through, dear Lord. I am not afraid anymore.

I shall not lose this. I shall not take this for granted.
Oh God, thank you :') thank you :')

Now I can talk about the future
with great confidence.
Now I can talk about love
with deep faith.

I shall ride the wind, and catch the rainbow
and fall asleep under the sky.

Thank you.

The orchestra is playing my favourite songs.
I am so deep in love, so overwhelmed in this mercy.




gadistlena

burst into life

Your touch failed to sink
below the surface, and
I am waiting to burst into life.
The past is lingering.

Lingering in this present; in your presence,
cursing
the future.

I am still holding on waiting
to burst into life.

Ruptured is the hope
swallowed in by the raging sea.

And as you stand there, watching
we count our last breath.

And as I stand here, watching
we count, our last breath.

Behind us, the godsend creatures
have stopped
cheering us on
and we,
we are still waiting
to burst into life.

gadistlena

the contentment has moved on to something even better

I can feel God's love so intensely today. The way He steers me around - left to right, down to up; just to get me see the bigger picture of this incredible life.  I am loving the fact how God made me think about soulmates and how unrealistic the idea is, that that can only happen if you're a saint and you have the capability to perform miracles like Jesus; and then He put me right in the center of the whole thing and got my fingers numb with the inability to comprehend the whole thing - and that makes me feel humbled and happy at the same time.

Oh wow.

I also like the fact that God makes me legging it up to Him always. My body and soul need a little adjustment to this abundance of awesomeness.

I met a guy - he is the version of me in the form of a man. He's neither a saint nor a devil; just a normal guy you see everyday chilling with his friends, smoking while drinking teh tarik. He is everything I have been talking about to my roomate during our late night reflection episodes.

How I have always wanted to meet a man who is a thinker - a smart thinker, who sings to his emotions, who sees art as a breathing entity in this world, who would listen to me rambling nonsense while I am stoned, who respects me as a woman; a man who is calm and gentle and mysterious.

God spoke to me, "What, you asked that from me? Heh just you wait, I'll give you something better." And He groped inside his magic hat and handed me him.


Love,
gadistlena

the bell of life rings

Every human being is like a piece of puzzle,that has four sides of different shapes. Each side is (supposed to be) connected to different aspects of life. One - is connected to Needs. Two - Wants. Three - The Dark Side as the Master Jedi would put it.

And four - is Love.

We are all in search of finding the perfect puzzle pieces that can help us complete our little story, our little picture. Heh, guess what, I have found the perfect location where my little piece of puzzle should be.

They are connected on three of the four sides - except for the last.

During my journey here I have found a lot of other pieces that looked like they can fit on this side of mine. I took them and I forcibly put them there; and that hurt me - that hurt them. We simply did not fit well.

Hm, but I still believe there is one that will.

Will that piece find me? I hope so. No wait - I think it did. Just that at this moment, I am not brave enough to let it get close to me because - that piece of puzzle is so beautiful you don't want to hurt it. Or hurt yourself again. You know, you can't simply eliminate the chances that you might be wrong - again.

It is funny how you dream your dream, and when it is coming true (at the moment you least expect it) you freak out instead of feeling excited.

        Sigh.


Lots of love,
gadistlena

ps - I am right here on my ground. I haven't given up on big chances to come by. Just so you know.

what do you say to this?

I was ready to leave the house when I brag to my brother about the free Arsenal bag that I got from the AYFIC event. (He has everything Chelsea, you see, including the thing you put on Crocs - and yes my eight year old brother wears Crocs).

He rolled his eyes.

And then, out of the blue, my youngest brother - who is six - exclaimed;

"Eleh, tak heran. Adli ada bag 1Malaysia."

:')

Love,
gadistlena